When a girl gets friendzoned

Disclaimer: Although the article below is written in the first person, it has no personal correspondence with the author. She speaks on behalf of girls in general, and any kind of similarity with her own life is purely coincidental.

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You know how there are some girls who get all the attention at college, every other guy wants to date them, and every other girl wants to be like them? I am not among those girls, but I am one of the other girls. It’s not that I don’t like myself. I may not be pretty in the true sense of the word, but I am often smiled at. My mother says I have a glow on my face and a twinkle in my eye that cheers people up. I am not a trendsetter like them, but I have my own choice of wardrobe that makes me comfortable. On the whole, I am quite likeable, and I do have many friends. But I don’t agree when my guy friends say that girls have it easy everywhere, because I clearly don’t.

There is a common misconception that boys get friendzoned and girls have their way all the time. Many of my guy friends have asked out many girls at college, not necessarily the ‘attention’ girls, but also ones like me. They have failed multiple times. Some of them have given up, some of them are still trying. Most of them have been labelled as creepy stalkers already. They come to me and complain how easy it might be to be a girl – some day some guy will come up to me and ask me for a coffee, and I have full rights to refuse him or agree to go out with him. I wish too that it happens, and that I get to exercise this right of mine. But it never does.

I have had my share of crushes. I have tried getting close to few guys in the past. It’s not that they were way too hot for me. I wouldn’t fall for such guys. I know better than that. I try where there is at least a little flicker of hope. I began by getting friendly, asking for their numbers as any guy would do if interested in a girl. Then I texted them once in a while, even lame jokes, if that helped to remind them that I still existed on this planet. Then at some point I started to get desperate and texted more often, which brought back to me more blue ticks wrapped up with silence. They had started ignoring me. Sometimes they would even get the hint and bluntly say that I was a good friend, but not really girlfriend material.

But unlike my guy friends who would still pursue their crushes by waiting for them at the corner with their bikes, or dropping a chocolate on their desks on Valentine’s Day, for me the silent blue ticks have always been the dead-end. Because I am a girl. I am not in a position to walk up to him again after getting rejected and still ask why he finds me unworthy. I cannot pass flirty glances at him from time to time, and think that it’s my birthright. I cannot ask his friends to set me up with him somehow, and keep liking and commenting on his Facebook posts even if he doesn’t reciprocate. I cannot jump out of the corner all of a sudden when he is walking on the street, block his path and say that I will die if he doesn’t love me back. I cannot even get so angry with him thinking how dare he reject me, and throw acid on his face. It simply doesn’t work that way. Because I am a girl. And I have limitations. When a guy doesn’t show interest, I move on.

So you see, being a girl who is friendzoned is not a pleasant thing, because you have to learn to live with that. On the other hand, there are certain ‘rights’ that you can enjoy if you are a guy. Because if you follow a girl to her house or even hold her hand forcefully, it is completely okay. That is what guys do, right? That is also what the movies teach us, with their glittery song sequences too. So it must be totally normal.